you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
