I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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