I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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