his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
