If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if only i could text you this smell
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
