peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
