I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
