what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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