once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
