i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
