I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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