pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
