omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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