She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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