i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
soo... how was my night?
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