this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize