I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
