"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
