how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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