They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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