Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
