The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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