I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
