Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
