So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
