State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is Oprah even human
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
