mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
