I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
