If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
