I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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