i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
