So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
