Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
