his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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