I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
