two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
