Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
