The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
