i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
