Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
