just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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