1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
