I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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