actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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