my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
