you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
