So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
