i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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