Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
