I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
