So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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