dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
