So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
