We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
