his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize