Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love having hate sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
