The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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