It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
