running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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