so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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