cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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