I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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