I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize