Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
