i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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