You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize