Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
