I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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