Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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