M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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