Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
