I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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